Welcome to Personal Development for Men Issue #49

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Helping Your Ex-Wife

When to Help and When Not to

I have been helping my ex-wife too much lately and it is taking a toll on me. She just takes too much of my time, effort, energy and money. The more I do that, the worse my life gets. I get more tired, more run down, more miserable. My whole life suffers.

You will find that the more you help her, the worse your life will get. You need to concentrate on you. You matter. She is not your wife anymore to tend to. You do not need to continue to be the white knight anymore. This is hard because this is what you did.

When you see her struggle with life, you will be tempted to the point of obsession with trying to help. But that is the wrong approach.

The more you try to do for her, the less time and energy you will have for your life. That is no good at all. Your life is too short and precious to be spending too much time on a person that you have decided to get away from.

You divorced her for a reason. You do not want her back. You do not want anything to with her. You may hate her. You may despise her. You made the decision to leave her, you have to keep plowing ahead with your life. Your life is important. You have to move on.

The only help you can give her is to force her to move on. The more you help her not only does it make your life miserable, it makes her think she has a chance with you.

Being a good guy will backfire on you. Being nice does not help you.

Here is a couple of podcasts on this -

Having a bad wife. and a bad ex-wife is a massive problem in your life. You have to quit helping her. You have to help her as little as possible. You have to be tough and strong.

This is your life. When you leave your wife, you have to keep going ahead with that. You have to do what you want to do. You have to go after the women you want. You have to go where you want to go. You have to pursue the careers and businesses you want.

The more help you give to your ex-wife the less time you will have for your desires. She is, in effect, stealing your life from you.

So what do you do about that?

Do you continue to wallow in despair about this bad woman in your life and how no one else but you can help her?

I know I get caught up in that.

But this never helps me. I have been creating this great life for myself and I cannot allow this woman to try to destroy that. Your ex-wife will do that to you. You left her for a reason. If she left you, it is better for you. You both have to move on.

If you are reading this it means you want a better life for yourself. The kind of life you deserve and have been dreaming about.

How does bending over backwards helping your ex-wife contribute to that type of life? How can you have time for anything if you are running around helping her? How can you do any type of thinking and planning if all your mental energy is spent thinking how you could best help her?

You can't. I can't. I see it more and more clearly now. In fact I have spent the last week spending most of my time thinking how could I help her. The week was basically a waste.

I do not want to continue to waste my weeks. I have so much I want to do. I know you do too. Think about this.

If you are in a marriage with a bad woman for you, leave her. Get my book. If you are divorced and trying to help your ex-wife, just stop. Get busy with your own life. You deserve a great life, free of this woman you do not want to be around anymore.

Stop being around her. Stop thinking about her. Stop helping her. Concentrate on your life.

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