Handling Difficult People

Handling difficult people is a skill that I wish I did not have to know.

My ex-wife is the most difficult person I have ever known. My skill with difficult people is because I was married to her for 14 years, legally separated from her for over two years and now finally divorced from her.

I left her because her verbal abuse was more than I could bear.

Her difficult behavior even now is a real test of my character. It takes all the patience I have to deal with her and then some.

Since we have children, I am stuck spending far too much of my precious time dealing with her.

Just recently she called and went on and on for an hour about stuff that does not matter.

Normally, I hang up on her much earlier in the call. Today I stayed on the line because I am concerned about my daughter and thought that the longer I am on the phone with her mother, the more time she will not have to deal with her.

I finally hung up when she got on my case about something that happened 16 years ago.

I saved her life 16 years ago and she is upset about it. She thinks I went about it in the wrong way. Like I would know what to do when my wife is bleeding like crazy due to complications of the birth of our first baby. I called the doctor and he called the ambulance. They then did what they had to do to save her. I still do not think that was my fault. In fact I am proud that I had a part in saving her and grateful that she lived to raise our son and be healthy enough to eventually have our beautiful daughter. To me, this is all good. To her, I do not understand.

I just said I am sorry for saving your damn life and hung up.

Handling Difficult People

How can you tell if someone is difficult?

Can the person help themselves? Or are you finding you are trying to help them too much?

Does the person you are dealing with get upset with you over something you have no control over? That person would be known as one of the difficult people. If you have the chance, do not want get involved with that person. If you are already involved you will have to find a way to leave that person behind. You will have to do do what you have to to get that person out of your life. This is not easy, but this is your life we are talking about.

This is not what is normally said. We are always told to just let the person vent at you and blow off steam. We are told that handling difficult people is just something that has to be done.

That is not what I am recommending at all. If you are married to a bad wife the only way to have any type of a life at all is to leave her.

No, this type of behavior is tiresome at best and utterly debilitating at worst. The most healthy way of handling difficult people and have good relationships and no crap in your life is to deal with as little of this behavior as possible.

The less time you spend handling difficult people, the more time you will have time for reasonable people, people you genuinely like and yourself.

The easiest and best solution for dealing with bad people is to leave them behind.

Just think, if the person gets mad at you for something you had no part in, what will happen if you actually had a part in it?

Does dealing with someone make you say - I want to die? That means that person is no good for you.

Another way to tell if a person is difficult is that they want to or need to control you. They think they know best. They want to help you for your own good.

There is no real way to know what is good for a person. You will have to guide your children, somewhat. But after they are old enough, you will have no way to know what is good for them.

Handling Difficult People

A third way to tell if a person is difficult is if you feel you have to talk them down.

I spent more than 2 hours on the phone one night with my ex-wife. This episode happened 6 months ago when he was still living with her. I really do not want to talk to her that much it is just that I felt I had to talk her down.

The saying, talk them down, is from talking someone down from a high place because they are going to jump, commit suicide.

She wasn't going to commit suicide but I could tell that she was very upset and I was worried that she would be cruel to the kids.

She was upset because my son had used about $80 of his money along with $80 of mine to buy a new Xbox. His broke down totally a month ago and he has been without.

The last month the expenses have been piling up and I just did not have the money to just buy him a new one right away.

He called me Monday and asked if I would take him to the store so he could buy it with his money. I did not know he had enough money so I said sure and that I would chip in what I could now and pay him back later.

He really wanted that Xbox and I really wanted him to have it.

His mother did not want him to spend his money on the Xbox. I am not sure why. It seems that a person would spend some of their own money on what they really want.

My son and I agreed that he would use some of his money and I would pay him back later.

That was Monday.

On Tuesday, she called and was just enraged with me and him.

Since I did not want her to go off on my son, I just kept talking to her and absorbing her rage over the phone.

I did not want her rage to get to the kids.

I can only do this over the phone. When I am there in person, the way she if is so frustrating.

After about 2 hours it was ok. She was calm and fairly decent.

But that is what happens when you get involved with the handling difficult people. Your time is wasted and your life is turned upside down.

A better way to try to have a healthy relationship is to know know what you want and know what you do not want.

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