What does the
Pursuit of Happiness
Mean to You?

The pursuit of happiness means your happiness, not the happiness of others. Trying to make others happy and deferring your dreams and goals to them is always a mistake. Your life is just as important as anyone else. You do not have to take the backseat. You do not have to do everything for others.

When you have the desire to help others, the best advice is don't do that.

The Lord helps those who help themselves is one of the best sayings ever. Meaning, people who just go ahead and do what they want will not need your help.

Looking back I went way wrong with my wife (now ex-wife). I was so into helping her pursuit of happiness that I messed up my own life.

Here is a brief summary:

1) She wanted to be a hairstylist. When she was out of high school her parents resisted this idea and would not help her with it. Years later when I came on the scene, she told me her dream and I helped make this happen. When we got engaged, I helped her apply to the school, get a loan, she lived with me for free while she was going to school full-time. I bought her supplies and equipment. I made everything possible for her to get a cosmetology degree. I thought I was helping myself. Once she was working, she would make a nice income to help us both out. I even supplied my mother as a model for her final exam. Now 16 years later she still has not gotten a job as a hairstylist.

2) A few years after this she had another idea to have an in-home daycare center. We had a young baby and she said she could run a daycare center along with the baby. I put her through that training, took care of the baby while she was at the school, bought her supplies and paid for the typist for her final papers. She never followed up on this either.

3) She had another idea to have a makeup business. I bought her makeup supplies, business cards and various other things. She did not follow up on that either.

4) She said she was always having ideas for inventions. I found a book on how to capitalize on these ideas. I read the book and was always wanting to discuss it with her. She never even read the book.

5) She wanted to remodel the house in ways I did not agree with. The cost was always high and she was always wanting to do too much. She just went ahead with all this. I would come home from work and find the walls all torn down.

Can you see the pattern?

A person says they want to do something. Then another person, me, jumps in and does all the legwork, pays all the bills and does a bunch of other work to try to help the person. Then the first person does not follow through.

If someone tells you their dream you can encourage them, just do not do it for them or help them beyond what is easily handled by you.

A dream is something that is private to you. If it is your dream, you will make it happen yourself.

Do not be interested in helping others achieve their dreams. Work on achieving your dreams.

I was so into not disparaging others dreams, that I was willing to help my wife with her dreams. What I should have been doing is work on my own dreams.

I did have a lot of dreams, I was working on them, but I spent so much money and spent so much energy and so much time on her dreams that I did not have anything left for mine.

So do not scoff others dreams, just do not help them that much. Work on the pursuit of happiness, your happiness.

You matter, just as much as anyone else. So your dreams matter.

Return from Pursuit of Happiness to Self Confidence.

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